Yesterday, the Federal Reserve held one of its regularly scheduled press conferences, which are “must see TV” for investors. We all tune in to hear what the Board thinks about the economy and what they plan do about it. 

It might make more sense, however, to simply ask the economy. Problem is, the U.S. economy is comprised of 300+ million independent and diverse agents acting in their own best interest, it does not have any representative board, and does not hold regular meetings. But what if it did?

“Mr. GDP Chairman, I’m Steve Liesman from CNBC. Many worry the economic expansion is headed for a recession. What is your current take on the pace of U.S. economic momentum—is it getting better or worse?”

Mr. GDP Chairman says …

“Thank you, Miss Market Czar. I’m Randy Forsyth for Barrons. What are the financial markets now suggesting about the sustainability of this recovery?”

Miss Market Czar responds …

“Excuse me, excuse me, Mr. Production Head, Rich Miller from Bloomberg. In the last year, there has been much consternation surrounding manufacturing. Are things still continuing to worsen in this sector?”

Mr. Production Head says …

“I’m next, Ms. Household Director! Jennifer Ablan, Reuters. Consumers have been at the core of this recovery. Are they showing signs of fading or are they actually strengthening?”

Ms. Household Director says …

“Hello, Mr. Biz Chair. Jeff Sommer from the New York Times. Everyone seems worried that businesses are pulling back as the trade war lingers. What say you, Biz Chair?”

And finally, Mr. Biz Chair responds …

Okay, we have to close. No more questions! These important people can’t talk all day. If they are not out there pursuing their private interest, the economy could suffer. We need to let them get back at it, so the economy stays strong! Thanks for attending the conference today and a special thank you to each of our chief Private Sector Board members—Mr. GDP Chairman, Miss Market Czar, Mr. Production Head, Ms. Household Director and, of course, Mr. Biz Chair! 

Editor’s Note: While the journalists are real (and the author wants to thank each of them for playing along), their quotes are entirely fictional!